Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
