but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
