My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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