I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
