If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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