Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So squirting runs in the family.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
