Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
