Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost the right to judge tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
