She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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