By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
