Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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