Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
