So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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