The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
