dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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