the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
