youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just found puke in my bra..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
pray to the hookup gods
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
