I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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