How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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