I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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