I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
