Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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