Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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