Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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