hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
