If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
