what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
