is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
