you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
