we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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