She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
