I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
