somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
