It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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