Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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