I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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