watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
