So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
whose parrot is this?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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