Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
