How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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