I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
