I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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