Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance

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(302): View more from Delaware

it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

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(908): View more from New Jersey

how was last night?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(313): View more from Michigan

so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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(323): View more from California

it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway

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(360): View more from Washington

Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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(775): View more from Nevada

note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome

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