i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.