You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe