Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE