Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.