My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident