He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there