BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.