So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
