Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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