Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
