you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
