I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
