Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
