i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
