shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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