does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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