I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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