Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this boner is exhausting
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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