I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
