he wants to bone in the snuggie
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
