i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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