Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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