where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
