I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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