i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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