Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
