oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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