I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
