I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
