We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
