saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
