OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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